Arg.

Let me preface this blog entry with this statement. I am not gay, none of my immediate family members are gay, and none of my close friends are gay.

I wish that people could stop yelling about gay marriage. This isn't a question of politics, morals or people who want to yell a lot. I do not understand why any American would disapprove of this. For those that do I have some questions for you. Why does this matter to you? What is this to you? How does this change what 'marriage' is?

I keep on hearing right winged people talk about how allowing this "redefines" marriage opens the door to some sort of slippery slope with respect to marriage. I do not understand why people would make such arguments. If America did not redefine marriage it would still be illegal in sixteen states for interracial marriages to take place. It was like that until 1967... It would still be illegal in some states for black people to marry other black people because they would be still considered property. Property... Furthermore with respect to a "slippery slope" argument what people fail to understand is that the legislature is the gate keeper. It is as absurd to believe for a second that polygamy or some form of sexual abuse would ever come into play with respect to the legalization of marriage.

I do not understand why this occurs. America has defined itself as the vanguard of Democracy. The Constitution was written in such a matter to be interpreted and to change when needed. The founding fathers' based their writings on the works of Thomas Hobbes, and John Locke. Where "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness" is paramount.

I do not understand why an uncountable section of the population of this country are not given the same rights as others simply because of who they choose to love. They are not trying to take anything from you, they are not asking you to like what they choose to embrace. All these people want is the chance to have this semantical title of 'husband' or 'wife'

Forget the politics behind this. Forget about the religious connotations that you may have about marriage. Forget about being forced to support something that you may not believe in. Why not give them the opportunity to have that chance? Why not on a base level just embrace them as human beings who want and need love?

But for the last time
You're everything that I want and ask for
You're all that I'd dreamed
Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love

Life goes on.

This is a story that starts off on a whim. It's been three years since I have done any volunteer work of substance. Although I helped train a member of the Special Olympics last year, it really wasn't anything of any great substance. So when John asked who wanted to go to Flint, MI to meet do a service project I jumped at the chance. We left Minnesota at 4:30 in the morning. We drove straight through to Flint arriving at 7 pm. We had to wait two hours for the guys from VT to arrive. It was good to meet six other men from across the country who share our desire to help the less fortunate. We told Tim the guy from VT who was coordinating the entire project that we wanted to be outside. He assigned a team of five of us to go to the shelter. Upon arriving we met Gary. The shelter was the size of a small house and he informed us that sixty five people call sleep there every night. Our project for the day was to expand their garden and move the grass to an area where they wanted to create a playground for the children. We spent the next six hours moving the lawn for them by hand.

It's hard to describe the poverty level in Flint, Mi to other college kids in Central Minnesota. Most of them have no idea what it's like to go without, or to have to live in a condemned structure. Even after spending three months in the lower 9th ward in New Orleans it was a shock to come back to a place where I didn't have to sleep in a room with fifty other people. The concept of privacy had become foreign to me and I was used to dealing with a crisis everyday. It never occurred to me though that people would live in those kinds of conditions without some disaster. In Flint we saw homes that should have been condemned. Houses boarded up and other properties that used a tarp as s roof... Previously I hadn't thought of people living int hose kinds of conditions outside of some form of disaster area. I didn't believe that the standard of living had that much disparity in America. Let alone from Minnesota to MI. I know that now, and that's pretty special to me.

On another note that's special men from three different states came together to work on various projects. The only thing that tied us together at the start of the day was three letters and the guiding principals behind the fraternity that each of us are a part of.

I wish that I cold do more, in the future I will.


J

bittersweet.

Because I am pressed for time this blog will be in list form.

Thing that irk me:

Women that are less than intelligent
People who has no sense of propriety
women in general
That it is the end of March and it is snowing



Fin

We find ourselves in the same old mess singing drunken lullabies

I should have learned by now that whenever Tyler says let's tear shit up tonight it's going to be bad news bears for someone. Last night we certainly took more out of alcohol then alcohol could ever dream to take out of us. The night started innocently enough with Tyler and his wife showing up and asking us to all head downtown. In true college men fashion we got ready and the crew hit the first bar. The bar was packed, the beer was cheap and my glass wasn't empty while we were there. I talked to him about life after college, and what it's like to have a big boy job.

We left the first bar and headed to Mc's. I have to say one of the most amazing things when you’re inebriated is a free Taco bar. It attracts everyone, and anyone. We had previously talked about having one of the lovely buffalo libations that they serve up. Upon our arrival I ordered two pitches of beer for our table. Tyler returned with an 'Irish' buffalo. He took one sip and made a face like he just fucked a cat. He offered it to me, and being the brave soul that I am I accepted. Now there are certain rules when one drinks any type of buffalo. The first and foremost unless you want to get all kinds of crazy drunk do not chug them, however considering they have six shots of alcohol in them unless you like the taste of them you should finish it in relatively short order. Me wanting to have as much fun as possible that night said get ready for the 'diesel' and slammed the drink in roughly 8 seconds. Cheers and high fives abound, followed up with looks of disbelief from my counterparts. I continue to drink beer and it is lovely.

We leave Mc's after another round of buffalo's. This time I enjoyed mine like a responsible alkie. After heading outside of the bar some random drunkasaures rex comes up to us. The kid has to be one of the most awkward white guys ever so of course Tyler and I have to run our mouths at him. Some of the highlights include:

"holy shit I didn't know they let mental patients drink.... How does it feel to be a part of a family of brother/cousins?" The drunk guy doesn't take to well to our mocking of us, he gets up in Tylers grill. Tyler says 'motherfucker you've got five seconds to get the fuck out of my face before I fuck your world up.' The white guy decides to push me. I go with it, and fall. Tyler grabs him by the throat and throws him down. The awkward white guy goes back to his crew and starts pointing at us. The rest of our crew has assembled, someone calls the police.

The cops arrive, and I ask them if they're here about the assault that just occurred. They inform me that they were not aware of an assault; I inform the officers that the drunk kid assaulted me. One police officer breaks off and separates the drunk guy who is too out of control to do anything. I don’t know if anyone else has this ability but unless I’m black out drunk I have the ability to form coherent sentences and equate myself eloquently. (You may believe or not believe this, but after starting drinking at eleven I’ve developed quite a tolerance.) The officer asks me if I would like to place him under citizen’s arrest, and I ask him about the burden of proof because what he has thus far is hearsay. The officer looks at me a bit puzzled I inform him that I am a pre-law major. He understands, and informs me that if I issue a statement it will be good enough. First I get to fill out some paperwork, which I finish in short order. I then speak into a recording device. The drunk kid is handcuffed and thrown into the back of the car.
Half of our crew goes to get food the other half goes to another bar. I split the difference and head back to the house. On my way back to the house, I slip and fall hitting my head on the concrete. I brush it off until I try to get up and everything is spinning. It takes me at thirty seconds or so to get my bearings and continue home. Upon arriving I head for my room and pop tow vicodin.
I’ve got to say that being drunk and on vicodin is bad news bears. However being buzzed and on vicodin is amazing. Everything slows down moderately and things are pretty chill. I hop on my facebook and see that a virgin that I’ve been trying to get with for sometime is online. I send her an IM innocently enough. She should know better, but what can I say; shit happens.
Some of the highlights include her asking how many women I’ve slept with, and me informing her that it’s okay when someone goes down on her. I invite her over to my place only to find out she’s not in town. We make plans to hook up next weekend, I’ll be shocked and appalled if she remains the only 21 year old virgin that I know after we hangout.

Today the baseball gods smiled upon thee

Today the AP reports that Boof Bonser is expected to miss the season after it was revealed that he has a partial tear in his rotator cuff and labrum. In 2007 Bonser through 30 games went 8-12. He gave up 98 runs, 27 HRs, with an ERA of 5.10 In the 08 campaign Bonser went 3-7 with 78 runs, and 16 Hrs, and an ERA of 5.93. I couldn't be happier that he will not join the twins in the 09 campaign.

In my opinion Bonser just sucks. My friends and I have a tradition of consuming a disporportionate amount of alcohol whenever he enters a game because we forebode that it will soon go south. I hope that this will be the driving force that makes either the twins sign anothr reliever in his position, or allows other players to come up through the farm system.

The blue note

It's been over a month since I've updated. There's too much of life in a month to condense down to one blog entry so I'll leave you with a story. One of my brothers moonlights as a bartender in a town called Winstead. I show up about an hour into his shift, plant myself at the end of the bar and order a pitcher. After my first beer I take a look around and the bar is a mix of old men and rednecks. I find out the guy next to me is name George. My pitcher is empty he orders a new one and offers me some. I agree and thus begins a five hour long drunken convesation. We talk about the military, how shitty the economy is, cars. etc al. After three hours and seven pitchers between the two of us I am properly inebriated. Not J drunk yet, but I'm getting there. I order a Jack and Coke and get up to take a leak. Some hick was standing infront of my stool when I got back. and he asked me 'hey slant eye, how long have you been gay?' My first response was to laugh my ass of at him and then rip him a new one about being a stupid hick. I then proceeded to bring my brother into it and I asked him hey man tell this fuckhead how many women I've fucked. He obliged and said more than that dickhead will ever see. The hick walked away and said fuck you. I responded with not even if you let me videotape it. This would not be the last encounter that I had with the redneck that thought I was gay. I finish my jack and coke, and order another.

Twenty minutes later and half a pitcher in, the redneck returns. He starts running his mouth about how he wants to go outside with me. I responde by telling him that I will not hold his hands while he crosses the street. I suggest that he goes back to his crew of friends so that they can start their circle jerk while he's on his knees. The redneck asks me again if I want to go outside. I then launch into a tirade against him it went something like this:

me: Listen you dumb fuck, I'm going outside with you.
redneck: why not?
me: Because I don't want to go to jail shithead
redneck: are you going to call the cops?
me: god you're fucking stupid. If we fight outside of a bar legally they have to call the cops.
redneck: come outside with me
me: fuck you're stupid.

at this point the redneck went outside to smoke. Geroge followed him. I looked at punch and said you know my balls say to go out there and beat the shit out of that guy, but my brain says to stay put. what should I do? Punch told me to stay where I was, he walked out from behind the bar and headed outside. The redneck was not allowed back into the bar.

J

want to see a real shit show?

Members of the opposite sex perplex me. I met a woman last semester. She seemed to be interesting enough as far as her having a similar sense of human and somewhat of an understanding as to the type of person that I am. We started talking one day and for a two week stretch we talked everyday at length. At the end of which the subject of drinking came up and I told her that I intended to go to the bar on Thursday night. By the time I arrived at the bar she was already drunk. We had one drink together and then she wandered off, we exchanged more texts and met up an hour later at another bar. She said that she needed to tell me that her life was a mess, and that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. She also added that I was too smart to be her boyfriend. I proceeded to tell her in the nicest way possible and by that I mean not tell her the complete truth that I don't do the relationship thing. (It's not that I don't do it, it's that unless you meet my standards I'm not going to waste my time.) She acknowledged this and then proceeded to tell me that she thinks that I'm super cool and that she wants to be friends because she likes me and that I'm funny. So confused by her logic I tell her no worries, we have another drink together and then she says that she's leaving. I tell her to call me/text me when she gets home so that I know she arrived safely. When she does text me she says that she's mad at me because I didn't feel up on her... To which I reply that I don't do that sort of thing with people that I'm not interested in. The rest of the night was a mixed bag of consuming copious amounts of alcohol and getting my kind of drunk. The kind of drunk when you pass out in your bed naked and you put off going to the bathroom until the last moment possible because moving is awkward. The kind of drunk where you wake up drink water and sleep for several hours more. The day after a hard night of drinking like that always leaves me feeling less than human the next day. I don't enjoy the feeling but I do enjoy telling people that I feel almost human again in the evening. Anyway crazy drunk girl sends me a message apologizing for the way that she acted the previous night. Saying that she was sorry that she was that girl. She reiterated the fact that she thought that I was a cool person and wanted to be my friend, and apologized for her being upset that I wouldn't touch her.

Granted I understand when people are drunk they say and do some stupid things, but really? The triumvirate of stupidity in her case in my mind was first telling me that she thought that I was too smart for her. Followed by her assertions that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, and finally that she wanted me to get all over her? What is that? Look I can understand being drunk and wanting to be touched and or hook up, but the person that you're trying to seduce will feel a lot less repugnant about the entire experience if you don't tell them that you aren't looking for anything serious.

daughters lock up your mothers

I don't understand what it is about me, but in the last month I have been hit on by three mothers at the bar. Granted they're young (in their mid to late twenties) but still really? I have no desire to become a surrogate father to a child.

One thing that I will never understand about members of my sex is the inability to understand some of the basic fundamentals of hygiene. I have yet to meet a woman who thinks that the smell of your ass is sexy. I've also yet to meet a women who thinks that it's hot to live in a fucking mess. It baffles me as to why other men my age believe that they will ever get anything beyond friendship if while they wear the same underwear day in and day out, shower occasionally and never clean up after themselves. Look it's not that complicated, and I assure you that millions of adult men take showers everyday. Maybe it's me but I've always showered on a regular basis, worn clean clothing and cologne. Smell has never been a problem for me, and so it makes me wonder about the individuals who are incapable of smelling at least semi decent. It's an awkward conversation to have with people to be sure, like really what do you say to them. Something to the effect of hey dude I can smell your ass, so please take it into the shower? There really isn't a way to tell them without them being offended. On the other end of the extreme you have individuals who bathe in cologne. I also never quite figured this out. I"v ealways gone by the rule that I want you to be able to smell me if you're standing next to me, but I don't want you to be able to smell me from across the room. This also isn't a complicated science, it's applying enough cologne to make your smell noticalbe but not enough to make it overpowering.

So what is it? What is it about males ages 14-30 that don't understand the concept of hygiene and the role that it palsy with respect to one's sexual proclivities in the future?

Drink, drank, drunk.

Alcohol and I have always had an odd relationship. I have for the longest time wanted to live up to the idea set forth by Churchill that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. I find it interesting the various occasions when I drink, and the changing drinks that I consume while occupying myself with the various activities. There are times when really all I want to do is sit at my desk, smoke a cigar, drink whiskey, and write. Other times I enjoy drinking wine while I write. I find that alcohol not only allows my inhibitions fade away, but also allows people to be honest with themselves with respect to who they are. Being in college copious amounts of beer are consumed during various activities. (Going to the bar [with the intent of not being shit canned wasted at the end of the night], watching a sporting event, engaging in drinking games of all sorts, or while playing games.) An amazing amount of ritual and tradition I have developed around drinking in my college career. I have the drinks that we consume on a first date with someone to show them that we have taste. To see if they are perceptive enough to see with what connotation I have ordered and consumed my alcohol. I have the drinks that we consume on really bad dates because we hold the glimmer of hope that if I'm a little drunk they might become more interesting. I have the drinks that I consume when I meet a friend of mine and want to talk shop, and the one's for after business has conclude and now we wish to create a sense of mayhem. I have the drink that I indulge in after a hard day, and the drink that I enjoy during the cold dark nights in Minnesota. I don't imbibe alcohol often, however I can think of a drink to go with almost any occasion. I'm okay with the fleeting thoughts in my mind of drinking.

It's times like these you learn to live again

The month of December is almost over. It amazes me how I have progressed in life with respect to the past and the symbolism this month used to carry with me. I know that I may never be over it, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop trying. Six days left in the month and barring some egregious event I would have to concede that this has been the smoothest month of December yet. Still though my mind meanders to the events of the past, and how during the rest of the year it all seems to fade away.

This is the first time since I was sixteen that I have attended Christmas and Thanksgiving in the first year. After an eight year hiatus of alternating holidays I opted to attend Thanksgiving to see my sister because I had not seen her in a little over a year. I opted to attend Christmas this year to see my Grandfather who has Alzheimer's along with declining health. It brings forth the debate in my mind when does quantity of life ever justify sacrificing the quality of it? I don't even want to imagine what my Grandmother is going through. They've been married for over fifty years. I know what it's like to lose someone you love, but to have to watch them fade away like that seems to be so much harder than my soul would be capable of tolerating.

Christmas was interesting this year. As time goes on spending time at home with my parents becomes more and more awkward. On one hand I understand that they're my parents and that they care about me. On the other side as time goes on I notice how overbearing they are in all aspects of life. It frustrates me because I haven't lived with them since I was sixteen and I don't feel as though they have a full understanding of how I live.


nail in my hand from my creator you gave me a life, now show me how to live.

Arg!

Members of society and the blogsphere if I could change one thing about the universe I would make is so that your relationship status would be stamped on your forehead. It would revolutionize the dating and mating game, ensure a reduction to the awkward moments at the bar, and let you know that you are at least on an equal playing field with a member of the opposite sex.

To be fair I know pretty much where I am in life, with respect to my life stage and what my needs are. I know that I appear impossibly complicated to members outside of my small inner circle, however let's be honest. I'm you're typical soon to be college gradate. Freaking out about life outside of waking up at noon, drinking on Tuesday nights, and coin operated laundry. I'm not overly complicated, just because I have an extensive vocabulary, and I enjoy having discussions about Transcendentalism, the state of nature, the difference between an Epicurean and a Stoic. Is it really that complicated to understand? Fuck I get pissed off at most transcendentalist unless I'm half in the bag.

At any rate the cause for this diatribe about being single and knowing what I want. I met someone at the bar last night. I enjoyed the conversations that I had with her, I enjoyed playing drinking games with her, hell she was even able to pull me out onto the dance floor. Somewhere between the obligatory bumping and grinding that we had to do she put her arms around my neck and our eyes met. Everything around me just kinda faded away as I took in the features and expression of her face, the tactile sensation of my hands upon her hips and her arms around my neck, all the while the moment stretched out and lasted seemingly forever. Then the moment was gone, our song together had ended, and we both went our separate ways. She left with her friends, I with mine. I sent her an email later on that night expressing that I had enjoyed my time with her, and that at some point in the future I would like to see her again. I've yet to hear back from her so I have no idea if/when she will respond, or if she will acquiesce to my request. However I did find out this evening that she has a pretty serious boyfriend from my friend Sean....

A pox on you on thee non relationship status foreheads, A pox on thee.

Shakespeare was right....

There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and miseries.

I took the LSAT this past Saturday. It was a bit surreal to be forced into such an arbitrary position with respect to my future. This test represents three years of work in undergrad, the first step in seeing the fruition of my dream of becoming an attorney, a year spent reviewing arguments and taking practice tests. It seems so wonderful and horrible at the same time to reach this kind of impasse. I don't know if at any other point in your life you will ever have as much potential that has yet to be actualized with respect to your future hinged upon a single test.

In other news people irk me. I'm so sick of this collective collegiate experience where people claim ignorance as an excuse for acting like petulant children. I don't know why they feel justified acting in such a manor, or what measure of camaraderie they hope to retain from these years if they continue to act this way. It makes me sad to see individuals fall from grace. It makes me wonder if people are just petty and ridiculously stupid or if at some point in the stages of human development they learn to be what we commonly refer to as a 'decent' person?

I can't wait to finish up my undergraduate degree and get out of here.

The rest of my life will be decided this Saturday. I don't know how I feel about the totality of that kind of dynamic, or the finality of it all. I will either do well enough on the LSAT to be admitted to a Law school, or I can prepare for a career selling bits of string. I feel at ease with the course my life has taken, and am more or less prepared for it.


Aside from that, I hate Green Bay Packers fans. It's not that you can't support your team. It's not that I'm from Minnesota so I have to hate everything that is Wisconsin. It is simply this. Your team the Green Bay Packers, hasn't done anything of significance in the last ten years. What irks me the most is why people decide to run their mouths about how great the Packers are. Hmmm. Lets see you let the only three time MVP in NFL history go, who is leading his new team to the playoffs. While you remain in third position a division that has Brad 'oh my god I figure out how to make my team stop sucking at football' Childress. Congratulations Green Bay fans you're ahead of the lowly Lions who have yet to win a game this season. Maybe it's all of the beer that you drink that makes you believe that you reek of awesomeness, but let's be fair. The last time you had glory days Bill Clinton was still in office, We gearing up for the Y2K switch, Nobody knew who Osama Bin Laden was, and we elected a former wrestler as the Governor for the State of Minnesota.

Public policy we hardly knew ye.

Okay, so maybe it's because it's 2 AM and I haven't really slept since returning from Green Bay yesterday or maybe it's because I'm working on a paper that asked me to describe what my political ideology is but I have an idea for a solution for the current bind the automakers of American are in. It works out like this. If I were the current president elect I would have a meeting with Ford, General Motors, and Chevrolet. In which I would inform them that if they wanted a government subsidy in any form they would all have to get out of the automobile industry. I would then show them a plan that would divide the country into three equal shares. Where the three automobile manufactures would create a mass transit network. I would inform them that they would have to work together to ensure that it would link up with one another, and that it wold be efficient enough to meet the needs of the American public. Given that not everyone's front door would be connected to a mass transit hub, I would suggest however that every major metropolitan area would be. The logistics of getting to and from your front door to the hub has yet to be worked out. However my idea without too much fine tuning because it is just an idea would be a massive public works project of this countries infrastructure that would allow me to enter a hub in Minneapolis and it would take me to the East or the West coast at a nominal fee.

Who says you can't go home again?

I'm at my parents' house for the holiday. It seems as though whenever I come back to this place I go through a cycle of first wanting to get out of here as fast as humanly possible. If however I stay for longer than two days I don't want to go back to the place that I have resided in for these past three years. I feel as though the longer I spend in St. Cloud, the more my life is being sucked out of me. More of my brain cells die, if not due to the copious amounts of alcohol that I consume but the the virtue of the company that I keep. I am for lack of a better definition without any form of muse in that city. I miss the streets of uptown and walking around lake of the isles at night. I miss the random coffee houses, and the various hipsters that I would run into.

All in all it hasn't been a horrible holiday. I got to see my sister and her husband for the first time in almost a year. We shared our frustrations about life, and the republican nature of our parents over several bottles of Spaten. I wish that our time here together could continue on absentee of the rest of the world. A closed environment where we spend our time watching various movies, drinking beer, and talking about life. Alas the bubble that has encompassed my reality for the past few days will come to an end tomorrow when I have to wake up at an ungodly hour and make the trek to Green Bay Wisconsin.


A few friends of mine and I are going to see the Packers play the Panthers on Sunday. Before all of you sconnie hating people jump all over me. It's not that I like the Packers, although I don't really like the Vikings either. After the '98 season it doesn't matter how well they do, I can't get on the wagon with the rest of you. As for the Packers once upon a time before Gary Anderson's leg crushed my dreams I was a Vikings fan and as such I cannot root for you.

well, I've got a fire to go sit by with my father. It's time for one of those crazy conversations between two adults that I never thought i'd have with my own parents. That along with a few more beers should make this night complete.

I hope you enjoyed your turkey day as much as I did.