Because I am pressed for time this blog will be in list form.
Thing that irk me:
Women that are less than intelligent
People who has no sense of propriety
women in general
That it is the end of March and it is snowing
Fin
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
We find ourselves in the same old mess singing drunken lullabies
I should have learned by now that whenever Tyler says let's tear shit up tonight it's going to be bad news bears for someone. Last night we certainly took more out of alcohol then alcohol could ever dream to take out of us. The night started innocently enough with Tyler and his wife showing up and asking us to all head downtown. In true college men fashion we got ready and the crew hit the first bar. The bar was packed, the beer was cheap and my glass wasn't empty while we were there. I talked to him about life after college, and what it's like to have a big boy job.
We left the first bar and headed to Mc's. I have to say one of the most amazing things when you’re inebriated is a free Taco bar. It attracts everyone, and anyone. We had previously talked about having one of the lovely buffalo libations that they serve up. Upon our arrival I ordered two pitches of beer for our table. Tyler returned with an 'Irish' buffalo. He took one sip and made a face like he just fucked a cat. He offered it to me, and being the brave soul that I am I accepted. Now there are certain rules when one drinks any type of buffalo. The first and foremost unless you want to get all kinds of crazy drunk do not chug them, however considering they have six shots of alcohol in them unless you like the taste of them you should finish it in relatively short order. Me wanting to have as much fun as possible that night said get ready for the 'diesel' and slammed the drink in roughly 8 seconds. Cheers and high fives abound, followed up with looks of disbelief from my counterparts. I continue to drink beer and it is lovely.
We leave Mc's after another round of buffalo's. This time I enjoyed mine like a responsible alkie. After heading outside of the bar some random drunkasaures rex comes up to us. The kid has to be one of the most awkward white guys ever so of course Tyler and I have to run our mouths at him. Some of the highlights include:
"holy shit I didn't know they let mental patients drink.... How does it feel to be a part of a family of brother/cousins?" The drunk guy doesn't take to well to our mocking of us, he gets up in Tylers grill. Tyler says 'motherfucker you've got five seconds to get the fuck out of my face before I fuck your world up.' The white guy decides to push me. I go with it, and fall. Tyler grabs him by the throat and throws him down. The awkward white guy goes back to his crew and starts pointing at us. The rest of our crew has assembled, someone calls the police.
The cops arrive, and I ask them if they're here about the assault that just occurred. They inform me that they were not aware of an assault; I inform the officers that the drunk kid assaulted me. One police officer breaks off and separates the drunk guy who is too out of control to do anything. I don’t know if anyone else has this ability but unless I’m black out drunk I have the ability to form coherent sentences and equate myself eloquently. (You may believe or not believe this, but after starting drinking at eleven I’ve developed quite a tolerance.) The officer asks me if I would like to place him under citizen’s arrest, and I ask him about the burden of proof because what he has thus far is hearsay. The officer looks at me a bit puzzled I inform him that I am a pre-law major. He understands, and informs me that if I issue a statement it will be good enough. First I get to fill out some paperwork, which I finish in short order. I then speak into a recording device. The drunk kid is handcuffed and thrown into the back of the car.
Half of our crew goes to get food the other half goes to another bar. I split the difference and head back to the house. On my way back to the house, I slip and fall hitting my head on the concrete. I brush it off until I try to get up and everything is spinning. It takes me at thirty seconds or so to get my bearings and continue home. Upon arriving I head for my room and pop tow vicodin.
I’ve got to say that being drunk and on vicodin is bad news bears. However being buzzed and on vicodin is amazing. Everything slows down moderately and things are pretty chill. I hop on my facebook and see that a virgin that I’ve been trying to get with for sometime is online. I send her an IM innocently enough. She should know better, but what can I say; shit happens.
Some of the highlights include her asking how many women I’ve slept with, and me informing her that it’s okay when someone goes down on her. I invite her over to my place only to find out she’s not in town. We make plans to hook up next weekend, I’ll be shocked and appalled if she remains the only 21 year old virgin that I know after we hangout.
We left the first bar and headed to Mc's. I have to say one of the most amazing things when you’re inebriated is a free Taco bar. It attracts everyone, and anyone. We had previously talked about having one of the lovely buffalo libations that they serve up. Upon our arrival I ordered two pitches of beer for our table. Tyler returned with an 'Irish' buffalo. He took one sip and made a face like he just fucked a cat. He offered it to me, and being the brave soul that I am I accepted. Now there are certain rules when one drinks any type of buffalo. The first and foremost unless you want to get all kinds of crazy drunk do not chug them, however considering they have six shots of alcohol in them unless you like the taste of them you should finish it in relatively short order. Me wanting to have as much fun as possible that night said get ready for the 'diesel' and slammed the drink in roughly 8 seconds. Cheers and high fives abound, followed up with looks of disbelief from my counterparts. I continue to drink beer and it is lovely.
We leave Mc's after another round of buffalo's. This time I enjoyed mine like a responsible alkie. After heading outside of the bar some random drunkasaures rex comes up to us. The kid has to be one of the most awkward white guys ever so of course Tyler and I have to run our mouths at him. Some of the highlights include:
"holy shit I didn't know they let mental patients drink.... How does it feel to be a part of a family of brother/cousins?" The drunk guy doesn't take to well to our mocking of us, he gets up in Tylers grill. Tyler says 'motherfucker you've got five seconds to get the fuck out of my face before I fuck your world up.' The white guy decides to push me. I go with it, and fall. Tyler grabs him by the throat and throws him down. The awkward white guy goes back to his crew and starts pointing at us. The rest of our crew has assembled, someone calls the police.
The cops arrive, and I ask them if they're here about the assault that just occurred. They inform me that they were not aware of an assault; I inform the officers that the drunk kid assaulted me. One police officer breaks off and separates the drunk guy who is too out of control to do anything. I don’t know if anyone else has this ability but unless I’m black out drunk I have the ability to form coherent sentences and equate myself eloquently. (You may believe or not believe this, but after starting drinking at eleven I’ve developed quite a tolerance.) The officer asks me if I would like to place him under citizen’s arrest, and I ask him about the burden of proof because what he has thus far is hearsay. The officer looks at me a bit puzzled I inform him that I am a pre-law major. He understands, and informs me that if I issue a statement it will be good enough. First I get to fill out some paperwork, which I finish in short order. I then speak into a recording device. The drunk kid is handcuffed and thrown into the back of the car.
Half of our crew goes to get food the other half goes to another bar. I split the difference and head back to the house. On my way back to the house, I slip and fall hitting my head on the concrete. I brush it off until I try to get up and everything is spinning. It takes me at thirty seconds or so to get my bearings and continue home. Upon arriving I head for my room and pop tow vicodin.
I’ve got to say that being drunk and on vicodin is bad news bears. However being buzzed and on vicodin is amazing. Everything slows down moderately and things are pretty chill. I hop on my facebook and see that a virgin that I’ve been trying to get with for sometime is online. I send her an IM innocently enough. She should know better, but what can I say; shit happens.
Some of the highlights include her asking how many women I’ve slept with, and me informing her that it’s okay when someone goes down on her. I invite her over to my place only to find out she’s not in town. We make plans to hook up next weekend, I’ll be shocked and appalled if she remains the only 21 year old virgin that I know after we hangout.
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