It's times like these you learn to live again

The month of December is almost over. It amazes me how I have progressed in life with respect to the past and the symbolism this month used to carry with me. I know that I may never be over it, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop trying. Six days left in the month and barring some egregious event I would have to concede that this has been the smoothest month of December yet. Still though my mind meanders to the events of the past, and how during the rest of the year it all seems to fade away.

This is the first time since I was sixteen that I have attended Christmas and Thanksgiving in the first year. After an eight year hiatus of alternating holidays I opted to attend Thanksgiving to see my sister because I had not seen her in a little over a year. I opted to attend Christmas this year to see my Grandfather who has Alzheimer's along with declining health. It brings forth the debate in my mind when does quantity of life ever justify sacrificing the quality of it? I don't even want to imagine what my Grandmother is going through. They've been married for over fifty years. I know what it's like to lose someone you love, but to have to watch them fade away like that seems to be so much harder than my soul would be capable of tolerating.

Christmas was interesting this year. As time goes on spending time at home with my parents becomes more and more awkward. On one hand I understand that they're my parents and that they care about me. On the other side as time goes on I notice how overbearing they are in all aspects of life. It frustrates me because I haven't lived with them since I was sixteen and I don't feel as though they have a full understanding of how I live.


nail in my hand from my creator you gave me a life, now show me how to live.

Who says you can't go home again?

I'm at my parents' house for the holiday. It seems as though whenever I come back to this place I go through a cycle of first wanting to get out of here as fast as humanly possible. If however I stay for longer than two days I don't want to go back to the place that I have resided in for these past three years. I feel as though the longer I spend in St. Cloud, the more my life is being sucked out of me. More of my brain cells die, if not due to the copious amounts of alcohol that I consume but the the virtue of the company that I keep. I am for lack of a better definition without any form of muse in that city. I miss the streets of uptown and walking around lake of the isles at night. I miss the random coffee houses, and the various hipsters that I would run into.

All in all it hasn't been a horrible holiday. I got to see my sister and her husband for the first time in almost a year. We shared our frustrations about life, and the republican nature of our parents over several bottles of Spaten. I wish that our time here together could continue on absentee of the rest of the world. A closed environment where we spend our time watching various movies, drinking beer, and talking about life. Alas the bubble that has encompassed my reality for the past few days will come to an end tomorrow when I have to wake up at an ungodly hour and make the trek to Green Bay Wisconsin.


A few friends of mine and I are going to see the Packers play the Panthers on Sunday. Before all of you sconnie hating people jump all over me. It's not that I like the Packers, although I don't really like the Vikings either. After the '98 season it doesn't matter how well they do, I can't get on the wagon with the rest of you. As for the Packers once upon a time before Gary Anderson's leg crushed my dreams I was a Vikings fan and as such I cannot root for you.

well, I've got a fire to go sit by with my father. It's time for one of those crazy conversations between two adults that I never thought i'd have with my own parents. That along with a few more beers should make this night complete.

I hope you enjoyed your turkey day as much as I did.