It's times like these you learn to live again

The month of December is almost over. It amazes me how I have progressed in life with respect to the past and the symbolism this month used to carry with me. I know that I may never be over it, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop trying. Six days left in the month and barring some egregious event I would have to concede that this has been the smoothest month of December yet. Still though my mind meanders to the events of the past, and how during the rest of the year it all seems to fade away.

This is the first time since I was sixteen that I have attended Christmas and Thanksgiving in the first year. After an eight year hiatus of alternating holidays I opted to attend Thanksgiving to see my sister because I had not seen her in a little over a year. I opted to attend Christmas this year to see my Grandfather who has Alzheimer's along with declining health. It brings forth the debate in my mind when does quantity of life ever justify sacrificing the quality of it? I don't even want to imagine what my Grandmother is going through. They've been married for over fifty years. I know what it's like to lose someone you love, but to have to watch them fade away like that seems to be so much harder than my soul would be capable of tolerating.

Christmas was interesting this year. As time goes on spending time at home with my parents becomes more and more awkward. On one hand I understand that they're my parents and that they care about me. On the other side as time goes on I notice how overbearing they are in all aspects of life. It frustrates me because I haven't lived with them since I was sixteen and I don't feel as though they have a full understanding of how I live.


nail in my hand from my creator you gave me a life, now show me how to live.

Arg!

Members of society and the blogsphere if I could change one thing about the universe I would make is so that your relationship status would be stamped on your forehead. It would revolutionize the dating and mating game, ensure a reduction to the awkward moments at the bar, and let you know that you are at least on an equal playing field with a member of the opposite sex.

To be fair I know pretty much where I am in life, with respect to my life stage and what my needs are. I know that I appear impossibly complicated to members outside of my small inner circle, however let's be honest. I'm you're typical soon to be college gradate. Freaking out about life outside of waking up at noon, drinking on Tuesday nights, and coin operated laundry. I'm not overly complicated, just because I have an extensive vocabulary, and I enjoy having discussions about Transcendentalism, the state of nature, the difference between an Epicurean and a Stoic. Is it really that complicated to understand? Fuck I get pissed off at most transcendentalist unless I'm half in the bag.

At any rate the cause for this diatribe about being single and knowing what I want. I met someone at the bar last night. I enjoyed the conversations that I had with her, I enjoyed playing drinking games with her, hell she was even able to pull me out onto the dance floor. Somewhere between the obligatory bumping and grinding that we had to do she put her arms around my neck and our eyes met. Everything around me just kinda faded away as I took in the features and expression of her face, the tactile sensation of my hands upon her hips and her arms around my neck, all the while the moment stretched out and lasted seemingly forever. Then the moment was gone, our song together had ended, and we both went our separate ways. She left with her friends, I with mine. I sent her an email later on that night expressing that I had enjoyed my time with her, and that at some point in the future I would like to see her again. I've yet to hear back from her so I have no idea if/when she will respond, or if she will acquiesce to my request. However I did find out this evening that she has a pretty serious boyfriend from my friend Sean....

A pox on you on thee non relationship status foreheads, A pox on thee.

Shakespeare was right....

There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and miseries.

I took the LSAT this past Saturday. It was a bit surreal to be forced into such an arbitrary position with respect to my future. This test represents three years of work in undergrad, the first step in seeing the fruition of my dream of becoming an attorney, a year spent reviewing arguments and taking practice tests. It seems so wonderful and horrible at the same time to reach this kind of impasse. I don't know if at any other point in your life you will ever have as much potential that has yet to be actualized with respect to your future hinged upon a single test.

In other news people irk me. I'm so sick of this collective collegiate experience where people claim ignorance as an excuse for acting like petulant children. I don't know why they feel justified acting in such a manor, or what measure of camaraderie they hope to retain from these years if they continue to act this way. It makes me sad to see individuals fall from grace. It makes me wonder if people are just petty and ridiculously stupid or if at some point in the stages of human development they learn to be what we commonly refer to as a 'decent' person?

I can't wait to finish up my undergraduate degree and get out of here.

The rest of my life will be decided this Saturday. I don't know how I feel about the totality of that kind of dynamic, or the finality of it all. I will either do well enough on the LSAT to be admitted to a Law school, or I can prepare for a career selling bits of string. I feel at ease with the course my life has taken, and am more or less prepared for it.


Aside from that, I hate Green Bay Packers fans. It's not that you can't support your team. It's not that I'm from Minnesota so I have to hate everything that is Wisconsin. It is simply this. Your team the Green Bay Packers, hasn't done anything of significance in the last ten years. What irks me the most is why people decide to run their mouths about how great the Packers are. Hmmm. Lets see you let the only three time MVP in NFL history go, who is leading his new team to the playoffs. While you remain in third position a division that has Brad 'oh my god I figure out how to make my team stop sucking at football' Childress. Congratulations Green Bay fans you're ahead of the lowly Lions who have yet to win a game this season. Maybe it's all of the beer that you drink that makes you believe that you reek of awesomeness, but let's be fair. The last time you had glory days Bill Clinton was still in office, We gearing up for the Y2K switch, Nobody knew who Osama Bin Laden was, and we elected a former wrestler as the Governor for the State of Minnesota.

Public policy we hardly knew ye.

Okay, so maybe it's because it's 2 AM and I haven't really slept since returning from Green Bay yesterday or maybe it's because I'm working on a paper that asked me to describe what my political ideology is but I have an idea for a solution for the current bind the automakers of American are in. It works out like this. If I were the current president elect I would have a meeting with Ford, General Motors, and Chevrolet. In which I would inform them that if they wanted a government subsidy in any form they would all have to get out of the automobile industry. I would then show them a plan that would divide the country into three equal shares. Where the three automobile manufactures would create a mass transit network. I would inform them that they would have to work together to ensure that it would link up with one another, and that it wold be efficient enough to meet the needs of the American public. Given that not everyone's front door would be connected to a mass transit hub, I would suggest however that every major metropolitan area would be. The logistics of getting to and from your front door to the hub has yet to be worked out. However my idea without too much fine tuning because it is just an idea would be a massive public works project of this countries infrastructure that would allow me to enter a hub in Minneapolis and it would take me to the East or the West coast at a nominal fee.

Who says you can't go home again?

I'm at my parents' house for the holiday. It seems as though whenever I come back to this place I go through a cycle of first wanting to get out of here as fast as humanly possible. If however I stay for longer than two days I don't want to go back to the place that I have resided in for these past three years. I feel as though the longer I spend in St. Cloud, the more my life is being sucked out of me. More of my brain cells die, if not due to the copious amounts of alcohol that I consume but the the virtue of the company that I keep. I am for lack of a better definition without any form of muse in that city. I miss the streets of uptown and walking around lake of the isles at night. I miss the random coffee houses, and the various hipsters that I would run into.

All in all it hasn't been a horrible holiday. I got to see my sister and her husband for the first time in almost a year. We shared our frustrations about life, and the republican nature of our parents over several bottles of Spaten. I wish that our time here together could continue on absentee of the rest of the world. A closed environment where we spend our time watching various movies, drinking beer, and talking about life. Alas the bubble that has encompassed my reality for the past few days will come to an end tomorrow when I have to wake up at an ungodly hour and make the trek to Green Bay Wisconsin.


A few friends of mine and I are going to see the Packers play the Panthers on Sunday. Before all of you sconnie hating people jump all over me. It's not that I like the Packers, although I don't really like the Vikings either. After the '98 season it doesn't matter how well they do, I can't get on the wagon with the rest of you. As for the Packers once upon a time before Gary Anderson's leg crushed my dreams I was a Vikings fan and as such I cannot root for you.

well, I've got a fire to go sit by with my father. It's time for one of those crazy conversations between two adults that I never thought i'd have with my own parents. That along with a few more beers should make this night complete.

I hope you enjoyed your turkey day as much as I did.