want to see a real shit show?

Members of the opposite sex perplex me. I met a woman last semester. She seemed to be interesting enough as far as her having a similar sense of human and somewhat of an understanding as to the type of person that I am. We started talking one day and for a two week stretch we talked everyday at length. At the end of which the subject of drinking came up and I told her that I intended to go to the bar on Thursday night. By the time I arrived at the bar she was already drunk. We had one drink together and then she wandered off, we exchanged more texts and met up an hour later at another bar. She said that she needed to tell me that her life was a mess, and that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. She also added that I was too smart to be her boyfriend. I proceeded to tell her in the nicest way possible and by that I mean not tell her the complete truth that I don't do the relationship thing. (It's not that I don't do it, it's that unless you meet my standards I'm not going to waste my time.) She acknowledged this and then proceeded to tell me that she thinks that I'm super cool and that she wants to be friends because she likes me and that I'm funny. So confused by her logic I tell her no worries, we have another drink together and then she says that she's leaving. I tell her to call me/text me when she gets home so that I know she arrived safely. When she does text me she says that she's mad at me because I didn't feel up on her... To which I reply that I don't do that sort of thing with people that I'm not interested in. The rest of the night was a mixed bag of consuming copious amounts of alcohol and getting my kind of drunk. The kind of drunk when you pass out in your bed naked and you put off going to the bathroom until the last moment possible because moving is awkward. The kind of drunk where you wake up drink water and sleep for several hours more. The day after a hard night of drinking like that always leaves me feeling less than human the next day. I don't enjoy the feeling but I do enjoy telling people that I feel almost human again in the evening. Anyway crazy drunk girl sends me a message apologizing for the way that she acted the previous night. Saying that she was sorry that she was that girl. She reiterated the fact that she thought that I was a cool person and wanted to be my friend, and apologized for her being upset that I wouldn't touch her.

Granted I understand when people are drunk they say and do some stupid things, but really? The triumvirate of stupidity in her case in my mind was first telling me that she thought that I was too smart for her. Followed by her assertions that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, and finally that she wanted me to get all over her? What is that? Look I can understand being drunk and wanting to be touched and or hook up, but the person that you're trying to seduce will feel a lot less repugnant about the entire experience if you don't tell them that you aren't looking for anything serious.

daughters lock up your mothers

I don't understand what it is about me, but in the last month I have been hit on by three mothers at the bar. Granted they're young (in their mid to late twenties) but still really? I have no desire to become a surrogate father to a child.

One thing that I will never understand about members of my sex is the inability to understand some of the basic fundamentals of hygiene. I have yet to meet a woman who thinks that the smell of your ass is sexy. I've also yet to meet a women who thinks that it's hot to live in a fucking mess. It baffles me as to why other men my age believe that they will ever get anything beyond friendship if while they wear the same underwear day in and day out, shower occasionally and never clean up after themselves. Look it's not that complicated, and I assure you that millions of adult men take showers everyday. Maybe it's me but I've always showered on a regular basis, worn clean clothing and cologne. Smell has never been a problem for me, and so it makes me wonder about the individuals who are incapable of smelling at least semi decent. It's an awkward conversation to have with people to be sure, like really what do you say to them. Something to the effect of hey dude I can smell your ass, so please take it into the shower? There really isn't a way to tell them without them being offended. On the other end of the extreme you have individuals who bathe in cologne. I also never quite figured this out. I"v ealways gone by the rule that I want you to be able to smell me if you're standing next to me, but I don't want you to be able to smell me from across the room. This also isn't a complicated science, it's applying enough cologne to make your smell noticalbe but not enough to make it overpowering.

So what is it? What is it about males ages 14-30 that don't understand the concept of hygiene and the role that it palsy with respect to one's sexual proclivities in the future?

Drink, drank, drunk.

Alcohol and I have always had an odd relationship. I have for the longest time wanted to live up to the idea set forth by Churchill that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. I find it interesting the various occasions when I drink, and the changing drinks that I consume while occupying myself with the various activities. There are times when really all I want to do is sit at my desk, smoke a cigar, drink whiskey, and write. Other times I enjoy drinking wine while I write. I find that alcohol not only allows my inhibitions fade away, but also allows people to be honest with themselves with respect to who they are. Being in college copious amounts of beer are consumed during various activities. (Going to the bar [with the intent of not being shit canned wasted at the end of the night], watching a sporting event, engaging in drinking games of all sorts, or while playing games.) An amazing amount of ritual and tradition I have developed around drinking in my college career. I have the drinks that we consume on a first date with someone to show them that we have taste. To see if they are perceptive enough to see with what connotation I have ordered and consumed my alcohol. I have the drinks that we consume on really bad dates because we hold the glimmer of hope that if I'm a little drunk they might become more interesting. I have the drinks that I consume when I meet a friend of mine and want to talk shop, and the one's for after business has conclude and now we wish to create a sense of mayhem. I have the drink that I indulge in after a hard day, and the drink that I enjoy during the cold dark nights in Minnesota. I don't imbibe alcohol often, however I can think of a drink to go with almost any occasion. I'm okay with the fleeting thoughts in my mind of drinking.